Tuesday, April 27, 2010

My first time letting go a Malay movie offer

It's not easy. Heart-breaking, in fact. The reason artistes like myself continue to work, is really for the sake of the art. Letting go this offer is actually a first for me. I am never selective of work, unless it doesn't match my credentials. Letting go this movie offer doesn't mean I'm already a "big star" or whatsoever, more because of the clash in dates. It's like the first time you lose your loved ones, like I did with my father. The first time you inhale a puff of smoke, and choke like mad. The first time you fall in love. Or really hate a person. The feeling of letting go this role is painful, to say the least.

I don't get it when people say I'm too "emotional". The truth of the matter is, we are all emotional. If I'm not emotional about it, that means I didn't put in the effort, don't they get it? I was very happy to receive this movie offer title BAIK GILER. It's a comedy where I'm playing the supporting role Yap.

I put in so much effort during the casting process, and clinch the role! I also put in a lot of effort writing and training the actors for another event tour project. From what I've been through this past month, it seems only the Malay film company really do appreciates my effort. I was in a frantic pace, since I was committed to this event project. I was taken aback when the event project coordinator told me that the date to Penang has been postponed to May 11 and 12 (from the original dates of 5 & 6) at the last minute, right before we're to embark on the tour and after I've already informed the production company the original dates I'm not free.

Some people think money is the motivating point in pursuing the artiste life. For me, commitment to the art is what truly motivates me. I was so adamant and unsure and emotional about myself letting this Malay movie offer slip away. It's quite a big part. The reason they cannot change the schedule for me is because of the main star. But I have to let this role go because of the commitment I had with the event tour.

Now I am left in a lurch, doubtful and uncertain , neither here nor there. For what I really want, isn't what I really need. So I went and confide with my friends. They told me not to worry, calm down and be patient. Better movie offers will come my way.