Tuesday, June 3, 2008

"Pan Jang"


I received fan emails almost everyday. One particular fan email caught my attention because the name is Panjang, (meaning long). Curious to know what's Panjang about this fan of mine, I quickly opened the email and pleasantly discovered that Panjang is actually an Orang Asli (indigenous people) who lives somewhere in the deep jungles of Sarawak! This is the wonder of technology where almost anyone in this world can connect with each other through Internet. Or maybe my fame does indeed spread far and wide, who knows, ceh > "syiok sendiri" (vanity)? In Panjang's email, he requested to meet me in person because he idolized me on TV and needed a "celebrity" tour guide in Kuala Lumpur for his coming visit. I kindly agreed and set the time, where I will greet Panjang at the arrival terminal of the airport. Actually, I was more curious to see Panjang in physical person.

Panjang arrived at the terminal with his head hidden by a giant placard carrying my name in big letters: KRIS LAW. That is the only way I could recognise him. When Panjang removed the placard from his face, I was surprised to see how his heights were so...so...so....urgh, challenged. He must be 160cm tall or less, with tattoos all over his tanned little body. After smiling and welcoming him profusely to hide my amazement of his appearance, we were quickly off to the city for a little tour. Halfway through the tour, Panjang complained about his bad headache, "Bad headache. Must be dirty air". I knew what Panjang meant, because the air in the city is really so polluted compared to where Panjang came from: a pristine jungle hometown where the air is always clean and fresh.

I took Panjang to the nearest clinic where I registered my name at the counter for him. When the nurse finally called out my name, I escorted poor Panjang into the designated ward. A dozen of other waiting patients were staring at us as we walked through the corridor, probably surprised of the vast difference between my height and Panjang's short stature. When we were inside the room, I explained to the Punjabi lady doctor about Panjang's bad headache. The Punjabi doctor suddenly screamed "Panjang!!" when she read Panjang's name on the form, almost cracking the glass of water next to her. I politely excused myself out from the room as Panjang began to undress for his full-body examination. When I closed the door quietly behind me, I noticed that the dozen other waiting patients were startled and looking at me intently. Particularly the 2 ladies standing closest to where I was waiting, they were giggling to each other while eyeing me up and down, then slowly uttered "Paan-jaang..."